Passed a real gentleman on the sidewalk tonight
Dude [into cellphone]: I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING JAW THE NEXT TIME I SEE YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME? YOUR FUCKING JAW. I'M GONNA BREAK-- hold on, give me a second. There's a woman walking by.
When those girls on Facebook take pictures and the...
lolsofunny: And everyone is commenting like: “OMFGZZZ Y0U’RE S00 GORGEOUS. Y0U’R3 FACE IS FLAWLESS. SHARE SOME OF YOU PRREEEETTYNESS PL3ASEE<#33#333#!!!111!!1!” Then you’re just sitting there like:
Band member: Hi, nice to meet you!
Me: I can't believe I'm actually talking to you, and breathing the same air! Oh my gosh, I'll never wash these lungs again. sldkjfhglkjdf
Band member: *laughs*
Band member: So do you want me to sign something?
Me: Let's make beautiful babies.
Band member: What?
Me: I asked if you could sign my.... poster.
Band member: I could have sworn you just said -
Band member: But -
Teacher : What comes after 69?
Student : Mouthwash.
Teacher : Get out.